Life Before Surgery

When I found out that I may have to have surgery I was kind upset but so glad that someone had actually found the problem. Like I've said, I realize there are bigger issues in the world. Thank God I don't have something life threatening and I feel for those people who do have life threatening illnesses. I honestly can't imagine going through treatments and keeping a positive outlook on life. It amazes me to hear survival stories and to watch people I've cared about go through those horrible things. But to want something and not be able to have it is also life changing. It's frustrating. It's a let down....To hear a doctor say, "Your probably going to struggle with infertility so be prepared," is kind of hard on the heart.

My feelings were pretty up and down about the whole situation and I began to distance myself from my husband in the beginning. I remember thinking that maybe this was a sign that not being pregnant was a blessing in disguise, that I had bigger dreams to take care of in life before I had a family. I remember feeling like I needed to just run away somewhere far & be all by myself for the duration of life. Silly thoughts I know but that's how I felt. I really felt that this was a sign for the reasons I couldn't ever get pregnant before all of this came about. I have a lot I want to do in my life and for me this was the BIG FLASHING LIGHTS that I needed to do those things.

I went with my very best friend to Texas to visit our other very best friend. We had tons of fun. We went out, we partied, we met new friends, we shopped, we laughed...it was a much needed break. I loved being there with the two of them because I can always just be myself around them. I don't have to hide my feelings, I don't have to explain things to them, they just understand and sometimes they don't ask questions and that's ok. Sometimes they just know that I need a good laugh. I love having friends like that. Texas was great and I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to go back to reality. I didn't want to deal with life's real issues at the moment.....but I did.

After that, I had my surgery and having my husband care enough to be at my surgery really made me happy {like I said before, he's not emotional at all and takes a lot of pride in being at work. He hasn't called in sick once in like 7 or 8 years}. After surgery we just became closer. It's weird how things work out but I felt calm that this was the life I chose and even though people have their ups and downs it doesn't mean that you should run every time there is a down. Part of marriage is working on the marriage all the time. I guess in the midst of my issues I forgot that and was being pretty selfish. I can still conquer my dreams being in the situation that I'm in. Unfortunately now I have more thing to conquer and that's ok with me. It's a challenge and this girl always loves a good challenge. Things were great & I was more than happy with that. He's all for going through this roller coaster with me and although he doesn't always say what I need to hear....he's learning. Ha Ha He's truly a huge sweetheart and I love him so much!