Support Group

Some of my posts are me ranting and raving about un-supportive people in my life, people who I thought were friends blah, blah, blah....

This has been such a struggle for me because I feel like most of the people in my life only want me around when life is "normal" and I'm doing things for them, planning parties, get togethers, or date nights etc...

I hear about close friends making RUDE comments within our other groups of friends and it frustrates me that they are quick to judge but have NEVER even asked why I feel the way I do so I could explain.

Anyway, I needed to fix this because it's not healthy by all means for myself or my husband who gets to hear about it all of the time. I found a support group that seemed like just what I needed. I was excited to go and meet other women going through my same emotions and feelings as myself. Obviously these are emotions I've NEVER dealt with so cut me some slack people. I'm doing the best I can!

Off to the support group I went. I was pretty nervous. I'm a social butterfly but I don't like to talk about myself {unless I'm blogging lol*} so this scenario was a little intimidating for me. 

In the group there were about 10-13 women who surprisingly have some of the same health issues I have. These women have done their research that's for sure. They were throwing out medical terms that I didn't understand but they did give me some good information on some specialist doctors. I was grateful. These women have tried every possible thing in the book to have a child. Some have gone through IVF several times, some have decided to just give up on the idea of having children, some have taken every medication out there....It was an eye opener!

The stories began and I was intrigued. Some of these women won't even go home for the holidays because they can't stand the though of being around their nieces & nephews. This made me so sad to hear things like that. I can't imagine a life without my nieces and nephews, friends babies or co-workers kiddos. I love them all to pieces. I would never NOT want to see them. My heart would be broken if I didn't have them in my life. One girl had a miscarriage and she was so angry. My heart did break for her. I can't imagine those feelings and I pray that I never have to feel that way but just to listen to her story made me so sad that she has to go through those things and she feels so alone. The stories went on for about 2 hours and each story was different but the same in certain ways. I never spoke, I just listened. I finally gave a brief explanation of what I was going through at the end of the support group & my situation didn't really compare to these women. I guess I don't let this consume my life. It's on my brain everyday but I don't think about it while I'm working or spending time with family. I have bad days and sad days but I deal with them and move on.

What I did learn was that my feelings are SO NORMAL. I'm normal! Yay!!!

I'm in a much better place than these other women....and in a way that makes me really sad for them but for myself that makes me feel so much better and I've been happier and in a much better mood since this experience. I am so grateful I had the opportunity to meet these ladies. I wish I could make them all feel better about their situation but I can't. I don't think I will be attending the group again but I'm crossing my fingers that they are all in a better place the next time they meet.

For now-I'll keep hoping for a miracle and trying to keep my positive attitude on things.

I'm dealing with things my way & that's all I can do. I can't expect those people in my life to be around during my struggle. Some days it sucks....some days my feelings are hurt and I want to scream and yell at them BUT I can't. I don't have control over them so I can't expect them to be involved. I'm doing the best I can and that's all that matters.

The holidays are coming up. I'm so excited. Can't wait to decorate for Halloween this weekend. My very best friend moved back to Utah from Texas and I am over the moon with excitement. Good things are happening all around me and they are happening on their own time. Can't ask for much more right?

Round One Down.....

We tried our first round of IUI on Sept. 7th.

{If your not familiar with that click on the link and you can read more about it.}

I was pretty nervous but I had a few close people cheering me on so that made things a bit easier. My hubby took the morning off to be with me. He's such a sweetheart!

We got to the doctor's office with our "goods" and nobody was there. I was in sheer panic. Just my luck.

I found an open door to a lab and asked them to page the doctor.

The doctor soon after opened the door with a smiling face and asked, "Did you think I forgot about you?"

Uhhh yes just for a minute.

We waited in a small room for what seemed like forever. The doc came in and can I just say he's amazing. He remembered me. He was my second opinion doctor that DOESN'T take my insurance but is willing to do the IUI's for me and he remembered me and everything I've been through with other doctors. He remembered how severe the Endometriosis is and he was so understanding. The procedure took less than 5 minutes. Quick but not painless....

I was super sick the rest of the day. I'm not talking a little cramping here and there. I'm talking EXHAUSTED to the point that I couldn't keep my eyes open, cramps from hell and sick to my stomach. I was pretty bummed because I wasn't expecting to feel that way and from what I read online, it's not a normal feeling. Anyway, hubs went back to work and I laid around all day.

Then the waiting began.....

I was hopeful it worked and even felt different after the procedure so I was sure something awesome was happening but it didn't. I took 2 pregnancy tests and both were negative and then I started not to long after that & my lovely cycle came back with a vengeance....

So bummed but my hopes were still high.

We just did our second round of IUI yesterday and this time the doctor gave me Progesterone to try. I'm not a fan of reading information on the Internet. I feel like this is the worst place to get info but I just don't like reading about this kind of stuff online. So I asked the doctor to explain what Progesterone does and now I fully understand and am crossing my fingers it helps.

This is an emotional process but I feel like I'm in a better place as of lately for some reason.

It makes me laugh when the people in my life we consider close friends or relatives find out what we are doing and their words are, "Oh my gosh. I didn't know you were doing that. Let me know how it goes...."

I guess I find it funny because the last thing I'm going to do is call EVERYONE I know and give them the latest gossip on my life. If your involved in my struggle at all then you will know what's going on. If you don't take the time to ask then chances are you won't know. Simple as that. I don't give my personal information unless you want to know.

But I'm dealing with that whole situation better and truly finding out who's important to me. I'm not letting it bother me as much and I've learned that I can feel my way and they can feel their way. If they want to be involved at all then they know how to reach me. If they don't make attempts or make excuses then that's their loss. I would never ever ever ask anyone I'm close to to keep ME updated on their struggle. I would never expect to put that burden on them. If you need me just call me....Chances are that person won't ever call you during their struggle because they don't want to burden those close to them.

This is a crazy world we live in. I'm sad I've had to learn some life lessons the hard way but at the same time I'm grateful because I think I needed to learn who to trust and who to give my time to. I needed to learn to be better at saying NO to certain people and as hard as it is sometimes, a lot of good has come out of this situation I'm in.

So...here's to round #2 working. Crossing my fingers, eyes, toes and anything else that can be crossed.