Decisions, Decisions.....

Week 2 after my surgery was a little better. I had no energy, I didn't want to leave the house because nothing fit me due to my swelling. I was trying to do to much and would then pay for it later on. Easter was around the corner and my Mom came to help out and fix dinner for the hubby and I. She's so sweet...she took me to Target and I attempted to walk around that store. Not such a great idea. I hurt worse in the morning. It took me a good 4 weeks to start feeling somewhat normal. My husband is amazing and wouldn't let me do much around the house. I was warned that vacuuming was the worst. I have the greatest friends that brought me dinner and offered to do anything they could to help. I'm truly blessed in life! Those 6 weeks off of work were probably much needed. I got so tired just by walking or attempting to fix dinner. My body was so not use to that. I'm such an active person that sitting in bed actually drove me crazy.


I went back to work the end of May and can I just tell you that I missed my job and my co-workers. I love where I work. It's an office job and I work for a city nearby my house. I deal with criminals on a daily basis and LOVE it. Ok..when I say criminals I don't mean murderers. I mean those people that occasionally speed or beat their wives. Those kind of criminals and I wouldn't really classify "speeders" as criminals because I speed all the time. I've just never been caught...knock on wood. {Back to the story} I was so excited to be back at work. It was tough to work those 10 hour days with no break [meaning no nap or soap opera time} but I have the best co-workers on the planet and everyone was so quick to help me out. I'm grateful for my job.


My husband and I decided to try to get pregnant. This is something I kept very private for the simple fact that I didn't want to share my let down with everyone and EVERYWHERE I looked there was someone having a baby. Our friends were having babies or pregnant. I mean literally there were pregnant people everywhere. I'm sure I was just more aware because I knew it would probably still be difficult for us but this was just something I kept private. I am glad to tell someone details if they ask but in my opinion if people don't ask whats going on in your life then usually they either A. think it's none of their business or B. don't really give a damn about what your going through. I have very close friends who never bothered to ask what was going on after the surgery. Maybe they thought that was it and I was better but little did they know I had a huge struggle ahead of me. I'm also not one to call someone up and cry about my personal life. I don't like to burden other people so unless you don't ask, you won't get details. I should work on that or maybe that's just who I am. Either way I am blogging about it now and this is so much easier then trying to get other people to understand the frustration I have right now. 

So we tried. We tried for about 2 1/2 months. No luck. I was let down everytime and dealt with it in my own way. I don't like to show people I'm weak so I dealt with this particular situation in my own way. Sometimes I would go for a drive at night with the windows down and the radio up and I would cry. Sometimes I would eat ice cream, sometimes I would take my nephew for the day and have some fun or go visit my  niece who is 2 and I adore her, sometimes I would vent to my husband and sometimes I just kept quiet. In the beginning I was an emotional wreck. I wanted to cry all of the time but as the weeks went on I got over that and just looked at this whole thing as a test. I'm not a super religious person. In fact, I don't attend church at all unless I'm visiting my BFF in Texas. So maybe once every six months. To me this was a test...everybody around me was able to get prego with a drop of a hat but me. I had challenges to face and it drove me crazy when people would say, "What are you waiting for? Come on, everybody has babies but you...." Really did you just say that to my face?? You know I just had major surgery...maybe you should ask what's going on rather than just assuming it's as easy for me as it is for everyone else. There's a BIG difference in being nosey and being interested in ones life to be a friend and be supportive.

After being let down for those 2 1/2 months I knew I had bigger issues that I needed to deal with and began researching the Lupron drug. The side effects literally scared the hell out of me. I started reading forums of people who actually took the drug and there was very little positive to say. Then I started wondering about insemination and other options I could look in to. Infertility is NOT covered by my insurance, actually let me rephrase that. It's covered up to 50% but the things I may need to have done are NOT covered. Awesome. It will be all out of pocket and it's not cheap to have a baby that's for sure. I finally called a Reproductive Care office and asked a few questions. They were helpful but of course it's all about money up front. Long story short we are going to get my husband "checked out" if you know what I mean. He's not thrilled but it will put my mind at ease that there's not something wrong with the both of us. I then made a doctor appointment to talk to my doctor about other options. Turns out I don't have many options!